The Coma of Console Gaming

Posted in Uncategorized on 01/02/2011 by Christopher Balcer

For a long time now, I’ve been vehemently denying it, like any good fanboy should. However, after recent times, there’s just no denying it- consoles, that is to say, the Xbox, the PS3, and the Wii (my preference for them in descending order, and mind you I’ve only ever touched a PS3 twice, that says something about the Wii) have slipped into the dark, turbulent coma that is casual gaming. Microsoft and Sony seem content to rush after the new casual gaming market, and they’ve left all of us traditional gamers to find other methods of obtaining what we love. For me, this method is temporarily morphing into a PC gamer like some sort of horrendous temporary butterfly. Or maybe a moth, or some kind of crustacean.

I quickly began to enjoy the idea of being a temporary PC gamer when I met Steam- a joyful little application that hardly uses up any physical memory in the background (when it doesn’t feel like being a random bitch and decides to absorb 100,000K of memory), and allows you to download and play a plethora of games on any computer you like, so long as you are logged in with your Steam account. You probably already know the mechanics, so I’m not going to explain it to you, and if you don’t, just look it up on Wikipedia.

However, I have also had some inherent problems with Steam recently. The main one is download rates. Mostly that they’re shit. Completely shit. I can get a two MB/s download speed with my internet connection, yet with Steam downloads, I’m lucky to get 500 KB/s. I don’t know why, but it always STARTS good, with 1.4 MB/s or something, but then it just slowly drops until it’s hit 30 KB/s or so, and it stays that way until it decides to spike up for a few minutes, and then drop back down again, and over and over until the download is finally fucking finished. I wouldn’t mind if it was just CONSISTENT, instead of giving me false hope with the huge starting download rate, they could just give me like 300 KB/s constantly, and I would be… amicable with that.

Anyway. I believe that consoles have entered the coma of casual games, from which one day they will awaken, and come back to kick ass and chew bubble gum and hug me and wuv me and let me play the final chapter of everyone’s favorite theoretical physicist’s adventures and also play as the frazzled girl with the shiny gun that shoots inter-dimensional doors on her quest for cake and ANSWERS. But until then, I’m going to be playing Serious Sam and Doom and Half Life: Source and Call of Duty: World at War and Counter Strike: Source and Portal and Quake II and Team Fortress 2 and Left 4 Dead and Fallout 3 and Killing Floor and Bioshock and Poker Night at the Inventory and Plants vs. Zombies and S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Shadow of Chernobyl UNTIL THE MOTHERFUCKING COWS COME HOME!!!

Also, that is only a partial list of the games I own on Steam.


VLogs Gone.

Posted in Uncategorized on 12/30/2010 by Christopher Balcer

Yes, that’s right, people. Every single one of my video blogs is now spinning in the howling void of cyberspace nonexistence. “Why”, you ask, as I know you will? Because they were attracting unnecessary attention to somebody who doesn’t need any attention drawn to him. You need a face for TV to be on TV, or a voice, or a body, or a personality, or SOMETHING. Otherwise you just get hate. Which is what I was getting. Hateful comments, hateful messages, just hate, because I looked different, or sounded weird, or acted different, or something. I couldn’t tell you what I’m doing wrong. If I knew, I’d stop. But anyway. I don’t have the looks, voice, or personality for TV, and certainly not the Internet, so the VLogs are gone, and they’re not coming back. We’re back to good-old text… but that’s temporary too.
I have so many personal things on this blog, when the time eventually comes, and hell eventually freezes over, I will need to get a job. And then this blog will need to go. On my own, I am extremely undesirable. My abrasive voice, annoying personality, and mirror-cracking good looks are what got me hate in the first place. At work, I can at least not talk beyond what my job requires and not interact with others beyond what the job requires. As far as the looks, well… they can hardly fire me for not looking good. And if they can, then I’ll just buy expensive suits. You know, dress myself up to look better.
Along with hiding my personality will have to come deleting this blog. Because there’s not much point in hiding who I am if it’s accessible on the Internets. So there you have it. Don’t get too attached to this, because one day, when you come to see what wit Christopher has put onto the Internets for all to see, you might just happen upon a big old 404.


Posted in Uncategorized on 12/24/2010 by Christopher Balcer

Well, everyone, because our extended family has Christmas on the day of Christmas, and extended family Christmas tends to be a bit… well, utterly batshit on a sandwich insane, we like to have our little nuclear family Christmas. And guess what I got? A NEW FREAKIN’ COMPUTER, that’s what. It’s amazing. Still getting used to the whole Windows 7 thing (bleh), and the smaller keyboard (no number pad- bleh), and all the other assorted things that come with a new computer, but it’s really awesome. Got half a gig of processor power more than my old one had. Since I mostly use these things for playing games, this is very, very good. I look forward to many years of service with this thing.

Conflict of Interest

Posted in Uncategorized on 11/29/2010 by Christopher Balcer

You ever have one of those, friends? Well I have. And they suck. And I have one right now. And it sucks, big time. For my own physical health, I’ll not delve into details here, but I’ll just be concise and say that it involves matters of the heart, at least as far as the romanticized version of the heart goes. (I don’t actually have an issue with my blood pump.) The conflict lies between two things- what I want to do, and what I should do. Should I take a path that gratifies my selfish desires, that makes me feel good through simple satisfaction of what I want, damn the consequences? Or should I do what’s right, and take the path that might cause me some pain, but will in the end be better for all involved? Both seem equally appealing and unappealing in different aspects, and I can’t decide. Good and evil, right and wrong, pathos and logos. It’s a dichotomy that’s torn me quite in two, and I really dislike it.

On a more positive note… this is my second third post this month! Holy crap! It might be something slightly negative, but damn it, this blog is for how I feel, and what I think about things.

I always find it amusing that I defend myself from imaginary detractors that are amongst my readers. I suppose I’m just covering for myself? I don’t really know. In any case, that about sums up the important things I wanted to say. So have a good one, and drive safe, it’s slicker than whale shit on a glacier out there.


Posted in Uncategorized on 11/22/2010 by Christopher Balcer

I just don’t understand it. Memes I get. Incessant repetition of memes, I suppose I understand, although I borderline abhor it. All this “like, reblog, re-like, re-reblog about the blogging of the blogger who you blogged about” BLA BLA BLA. A blog is supposed to be a weB LOG. A log about YOU. Not the things you like. Granted, the things you like should be a part of the blog, as they are a part of you. HOWEVER. You should at least have someĀ  personal content on there. You know, shit about you. Personal info, rants, issues, whatever. Not just scrolling through countless pages, wasting Internets fuel, looking and looking until you find a meme that you like and feel “represents you” or something. Now, I understand some Tumblers DO put personal information and treat their assigned portion of Internets space as a web log of their life, and such. However, many people do not, and that irritates the SHIT out of me.

In addition, apologies for the not-video post, but I feel that I’m going to go back to doing these, as constantly putting myself on video and thinking of something to say other than “I DUNNO LOL, COLLEGE” is getting irritating and repetitive, and I am beginning to hate YouTube, and I can’t find an alternative that I like. Plus, I mean I’m really in a groove of writing right now. And I just couldn’t make a meaningful video log like this. Plus, editing videos with Windows Movie Maker is a pain in the arse.

So yeah. Thanks for listening. See y’all later.

Crazy Driver

Posted in Uncategorized on 11/16/2010 by Christopher Balcer


Super Happy VLog Time

Posted in Uncategorized on 10/19/2010 by Christopher Balcer