Archive for April, 2010

Wheat Your Eaties!

Posted in Uncategorized on 04/29/2010 by Christopher Balcer

Hello, denizens of the Internets. I think I haven’t used that yet. Maybe I have. Anyway, I have some interesting news for you.

I’m going to the University of Maine at Farmington. Somewhat of a big deal, I guess. You know, college and all. It’s actually rather exciting. Life and such. Especially since there’s a naked woman march down there in a few days.
Yes, you heard me. Naked women, marching in Farmington. Now, before you get all excited, as I know some of you are, they are not actually naked by their terms. These women are looking to redefine the concept of “nudity” to be more equal. Their issue with the definition of nudity is, “Why can a man take his shirt off in public, but a woman can’t?” I, personally, think if you want to take your shirt off, all the more power to you. I don’t really care. I’ll keep mine on, thanks, but you go right ahead and strut your stuff. It’s your body, you do what you want.

Interesting story… yesterday morning, my alarm went off. I smacked the snooze button twice, and then got up. I got dressed, stumbled upstairs, poured out a bowl of Life, and was eating it when my mom kicked down my bedroom door, and told me to get the hell out of bed. Apparently, I had dreamed that I had already gotten up. It was so unfair. So unfair. I was going to explain it to her, but I got the distinct feeling that she wouldn’t understand me, belive me, or even care. So I stowed it, got up, got dressed, got packed, checked my webcomics, and then went to school- no breakfast. Which was oh so much fun. My consciousness was so distended and blurry for most of the morning, I really can’t remember anything before English class… which started at eleven forty-five. That’s how sleepy I was. It was loads of fun…

Stay in school, kids. I don’t think I’ve told you that yet… well, just in case, don’t drink radioactive waste, either.


Stupid News.

Posted in Uncategorized on 04/28/2010 by Christopher Balcer

I’m not an angry guy, really. I don’t have anger issues. It’s just that the entire world seems hell-bent on pissing me off! First thing is, news in general. On the front page of a major news website (I don’t care which, pick one), what do you find? American Idol. Twitter news. How to look like the “superstars”. What hairstyle to pick. How to cook a good turkey dinner. And then below, after a bit of hunting, you can find this- protesters killed in Thailand, oil rig companies under fire, Obama supporting Wall Street reform, school budget cuts… why is it that I have to search for actual news? Why is this tripe promoted as something people care about? And if people do care about this shit more than actual news, what the hell man?! Ugh. Just gets me so pissed off.

Secondly, Justing Fucking Bieber. What is that bullshit about? She sings about some shit like “There’s gonna be one less lonely girl” or something, and she’s only fifteen, sixteen at the most! She needs to wait until she matures a little bit, finds out what the world is like, before she starts singing about blatant sex themes, or whatever. Sheesh.

On the topic of stupid girls, Miley Fucking Cyrus has decided that “Disney doesn’t own her”, that she’s her own woman, blah blah blah. She is dead wrong. Once Walt Disney’s ghost sinks his fangs into your shoulder, you do not escape. You do not survive. You are drained of every last ounce of talent, every last millilitre of originality, every last tiny little bit of life, and then left in a crack-house with the media banging on your door, wondering how such a “bright young star” went so astray. Meanwhile, Disney is laughing its ass off, counting the millions it has made from your pathetic little attempts at gaining attention. No, Miley. You are not your own woman. You do not own your destiny. You are not free until you are addicted to heroin, in debt up to your eyeballs, and your girl parts look like the Grand Canyon. Then you are free- free to deal with the rest of your trashed life. Have fun with that, Miley. I bet you die before you’re thirty. Much before.

Oh, that felt good. Just to get that off my chest. Just… such a stupid country. A stupid world. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid!


Posted in Uncategorized on 04/27/2010 by Christopher Balcer

Well, yesterday wasn’t so bad, I guess. The Monday after vacation is usually an ass-kicker, but it wasn’t so bad. I guess the fact that I have less than two months before I graduate is hanging over my head; kind of daunting. Why, you ask? I know, I know, I should be like every other high-school student out there, and be ready to leave, be ready to move on, be ready to do greater things…

But that’s just the thing. I’ve got a terrible feeling about what happens next. I have a hunch that this- high school- was the high point of my life. That I will look back upon my life as I lay dying in by bed, and think “God, high school truly was the best years of my life”. The funny thing? These four years have sucked. So I’m going to be one of those people whose best years even sucked.

So I’m not too eager to move out into the real world and get my ass kicked by a real day, with real problems. Although honestly, when you think about it, real life isn’t too different from high school. Instead of bullies, you have your boss at work. Instead of homework, you get home maintenace. Such as fixing the roof. Or the door. Or the microwave. Or the dishwasher. Or the washing machine. Or the shower. Or the stove. Or the floor. Or the basement. Or painting the house. Or paving the driveway. And instead of douchebags in your school, who you might have to work with, you get douchebags in your workplace, who you absolutely have to work with.

So you can see why I’m not too excited to actually, well… get into the world. It’s going to be depressing, brutal, and just not fun in general. Not sure what I’m going to look forward to, or what there is to look forward to. Seriously, what’s the end goal here?

Okay, theoretical situation. I have a job. I have a house. It’s decently maintained, probably not as much as it should be, because I’m always working to pay off the house, the car, the insurance, gas bills, electric bills, water bills, heating bills, food, and such. The job isn’t very fun, because it pays well, but I can’t do a fun job, because then I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills. So I go on like this, over and over again, and eventually I think… why? Why am I doing this? Seriously, what is the point? Survival? I could do that in the woods. Propagation? No way my lasy ass genes are ever going to go anywhere but into a sock. Fun? Yeah, I’m sure it would be more fun to put my balls on a table and give my ex-girlfriend a hammer. Frankly, I guess the only reason I go on is because I’ve got nothing else better to do.

So tell me, viewers. What is it in life that you look forward to? What are you so eager to get to? What are you looking forward to doing with yourself? Why do you go on?


Posted in Uncategorized on 04/26/2010 by Christopher Balcer

Some dumbass left a carton of milk in the senior lounge over vacation. Well, to be correct, they left it in the trash can, so it really wasn’t their fault. It was the janitor’s fault, really, and because it wasn’t cleaned up, the senior lounge smells TERRIBLE. Like somebody shat out a half-digested skunk. Seriously, it is that bad.

Well, in personal news, I don’t have much to say. Life continues on, with or without me, and I’m just fine with that. Sometimes I don’t participate. I stay indoors, shut downstairs with my Xbox, and life is just fine with that. Other times, I go out, drive around, whatever, and participate in life. Which is just fine too. The world doesn’t give a damn about your problems, and it also doesn’t give a damn about whether or not you participate. You are a pimple on the ass of a fruit fly in the scale of the universe. So do whatever you feel like, because in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t make a goddamned bit of difference.

You’re looking for something more, aren’t you? Well, I’ve got something more. Try this the next time you go out- talk to somebody. Walk up to them in the store, inspect the item or shelf that they are inspecting, and make an off-hand comment about something. Maybe they’ll reciprocate. Maybe they’ll add something to your perspective on life. Maybe they’ll just give you a weird look and walk off. That’s the fun of it! It’s like the mystery box of life, where you never know what you’re going to get. And you can keep it or not. That’s the cool thing. I had this whole discussion with this woman about how shopping carts are made. She was actually pretty knowledgable about it.

So, yeah. That’s about it. Have a good day.

Vicious Trains of Thought.

Posted in Uncategorized on 04/24/2010 by Christopher Balcer

Well, tonight I was just sitting down with nothing to do, which is never good, and I started to think, which is also never good. Thankfully, instead of introspection, my brain instead went on an extremely odd path that again reminded me why I spend so much of my free time playing video games. For your entertainment is the dialogue of my brain, spoken by Morgan Freeman. (You have to imagine that part.)

“Wow. Steven Hawking is the man, man. I don’t know of anybody else like that. He’s got all these crazy theories, and ideas, and thoughts, and man he’s just so cool. I wonder how many women want to have sex with him. Ha! I wonder if that would even work. Does he need, like… help, or something? How would that work? Hmm… maybe they’d just pleasure themselves in front of him, while he watched, grinning. He probably wouldn’t have time for any of that, though. Probably leave the poor girl halfway through because he had to invent a revolutionary theory of how we don’t all exist or something. He seems like a nice guy, though, so he’d probably leave her with something to keep her occupied. Probably some tapes of himself, or something. Steven Hawking porn. Heh. I wonder if that even exists? Somebody, somewhere, has probably done it. Hell, maybe the guy has done it himself-”

At this point, I actually listened to myself talk, and kind of jumped back in my seat. I shook my head, and proceeded to play a blood-soaked, violence-filled, goremania game of Gears of War 2. Pretty much kept my mind occupied for the rest of the night.

Goddamn I need to get back to school, so that kind of weird shit doesn’t have TIME to form in my head.

I’m a bad person.

Posted in Uncategorized on 04/21/2010 by Christopher Balcer

I’m sorry, people. I’ve neglected this thing terribly, and the only reason for that is that I didn’t feel like updating my blog because it was vacation. And the only reason I’m updating now is because I’m procrastinating a trip to Portland to go to USM, which is fine, but I have to drive there, which is not fine, because I’m terrible at driving places I’ve never been. Which is to say, I’m terrible at driving in general. I’ve got directions, but… I highly doubt I’m going to be able to use them. I’m such a terrible driver, I can’t watch the road and the directions at the same time. Somebody’s going to get hurt, and it probably won’t be me. Which is the bad thing.

So yeah, anyway, uh… not much going on in life now. The Halo Reach multiplayer beta comes out in ten days. That’s cool. And I have ODST, which means that I can get it, which is cooler. The needle rifle looks kickass.

Digging Holes.

Posted in Uncategorized on 04/15/2010 by Christopher Balcer

So, the other day, I was in horticulture. I was digging out lupin to transplant from around the garden to in the garden, which made these huge holes. I was kind of “in the zone”, so I kept working, and digging, and getting plants, and digging more, and when the song playing in my head finally ended, I looked around, and saw that I had created this huge amount of rather large holes in the ground. It looked like a mortar field… it was pretty intense. One of the freshman girls almost broke her ankle in one of them; kind of funny.

So yeah, finished up a math test, kind of bullshit, because I studied, and studied, and studied, and then when the test showed up, *FFFT* went all the information in my head. It was all just gone, and I was stuck staring at the test, unsure of whether to bargain, surrender unconditionally, or just break down crying. Or leave. I just jerked my way through it, and well… I just hope I did good. Whatever.

Not much else of mention lately. Other than vacation. Took damn long enough.