Archive for May, 2010


Posted in Uncategorized on 05/31/2010 by Christopher Balcer

I think I spelled that right. Anyway, blog, guess what today is? A Monday. Technically. It’s 12:36 as I’m typing this. In the morning. So… Monday. Which means it’s post time.

I’m not going to put back up the post I had up earlier. It’s not nice, number one, and number two, I can’t remember what I typed and I can’t recover it. Anyway, this weekend was interesting, the highlight being I got to go to a party and camp by the food table, thereby scoring shitloads of free food. Which is always good, nutrition and my health be damned.

“Chris, why you gotta be like that, huh? Why do you care so little about your body?” Because, dear friends, I don’t  want to go into the grave quietly looking like a hardly-used car. That’s like finishing a demolition derby without a single scratch. It’s just not right. I want to skid sideways into the grave as a smoking wreck of a man. The derby is short, so have as much fun with it as you can before your number is called. I don’t want to be like those nuts who drive around the outside of the ring, worrying about their paint job. I want to be in the fray, tearing shit up regardless of what it does to me.

You could respond two sensible ways to that: Either “Chris, you’re so shortsighted and idiotic”, to which I respond fuck you, or you could respond “I hadn’t thought about that, it’s actually a smart way to live”, to which I respond thanks. You thought I was going to say fuck you again, didn’t you? Well fuck you.




Posted in Uncategorized on 05/28/2010 by Christopher Balcer

EDIT- ‘Twas a bad idea to post this (what with the cousin in relation being here this weekend). It’ll go back up around Sunday afternoon or so.


Posted in Uncategorized on 05/27/2010 by Christopher Balcer

That’s what today was, ladies and… well, okay, just gentlemen. Gentleman. Spencer. Whatever. Anyway, today I had FIVE STUDY HALLS. Out of five classes. Five hours straight of not a goddamn thing. Not a single bit of mental stimulation to be found. It’s been driving me crazy. First, a real study hall, then another, then an English class where we did nothing, then lunch, and then a math class where we did nothing. I’m going crazy here. I need some sort of mental stimulation. Especially considering that I’m going to be going to my summer home this weekend, where I will be attending a party with absolutely nobody to do anything with. The only people I will know are my grandparents and my brother. (Parents are out of town). I thought that I’d be able to run the house on my own, right? Be able to convince mom to let me have the lay of the house? Wrong. Even though I’m legally allowed to, I’m apparently too young and stupid to spend a weekend home alone. I mean, of course, right? I’m a male teenager, obviously all I ever think about ever is doing drugs, sex, and setting shit on fire. Duh. It’s just a goddamn given.

Whatever. I don’t care. I’ll find something to do up there. Like…. okay, fuck, I don’t have any ideas. This is going to suck no matter how you slice it.


Posted in Uncategorized on 05/26/2010 by Christopher Balcer

Okay, so now it’s legitimately hot. They said it would be cooler today. They lied. Satan’s ass-crack again. I’m actually sweating now, which is no small achievement. But I’ll be damned if I’m letting a little warm weather get the best of me. This goddamn sweatshirt’s staying on, and I’m not rolling up my pants. Come get some, heatstroke.

Been playing more Red Dead Redemption, and it’s given me an idea for a video production final. What I’m going to do, see, is make this kind of Mexican stand-off between me and myself. Using split-screen movie magic. I’ve done it before. It should be pretty interesting, actually.

Ohh, lordy. My time grows short, blog. Boredom is setting in, and that Stumble button in the top left corner is looking awfully attractive. I probably should finish this blog post, though. I’m not letting a stupid Internet addiction get the b

All Quiet on the Eastern Fap

Posted in Uncategorized on 05/25/2010 by Christopher Balcer

Which isn’t ever necessarily a bad thing, right? I might have said this before… well, whatever. Apart from some college aid crap, and… well, other crap that isn’t worth mentioning, such as eating or sleeping, nothing much has been going on. All my family is doing fine and uneventful, same as my friends, same as their friends, I would assume. It’s pretty quiet out.

But it was hotter than Satan’s ass-crack today. Goddamn! Got upwards of 95 degrees outside my house, and around 50% humidity. And it’s spring. What is that about? Either way, I don’t care. I went out today wearing a flannel jacket and canvas pants and wore them both the whole day. Why, you may ask? Well, my friends, it just so turns out that my infant body happened to be tempered in the hellish forge of inner-city Sacramento, California. For two years, I lived there, day by day becoming resistant to that fiery orb of death in the sky. So today, as my friends were dropping like flies around me, I laughed and marveled at my fortune as not a bead of sweat was to be seen on me. (What wasn’t seen was a different story. My pants felt like the inside of an oven, and I’ve got a heat rash something fierce, and it’s not going away…) One exception was towards the end of the day, when I had to take a dump during math class. I got up, scooted to the bathroom, and was immediately hit with a wall of odors ranging from piss to man sweat to semen. I gagged, braced myself, ran in, took my shit, and got the hell out of there. Yech.

Speaking of which, I’ve been holding one in as I finish up this post. Excuse me, blog, I need to (insert shit joke here).

EDIT- Wow, that’s a Freudian slip title if I ever saw one. It’s kind of funny, though, so I think I’ll keep it.

Red Dead: Redemption

Posted in Uncategorized on 05/24/2010 by Christopher Balcer

Well, I’m going to be like every other foaming-at-the-mouth fanboy out there and talk about one thing- Red Dead: Redemption. Think of GTA, but in the Wild West. It’s amazing. Just you, a horse, a few guns, and all the baddies, wildlife, outlaws, good people, sheriffs, and whores you could want. I facking love this game and I’m barely into the story. I can’t wait for all my Live friends to be online at once so we can all play together. That’d kick ass

Oh, funny story about this game, there’s an achievement called “Dastardly”. The description? “Lasso a woman in town, carry her to the train tracks, and wait there until the train runs her over and kills her.” It just made me laugh. My guy’s being good, though, so I’m not sure if I’m going to do it.

Anyway. Since my car got stolen, I’ve been driving a stick-shift around the place. Boy, let me tell you… it’s not pretty, it’s not smooth, and it’s not fun, but I’ll be damned if I’m not finally getting the hang of the stupid facking thing.

Memorial Day weekend coming up. Got some unpleasantness to get through, but overall, it should be pretty sweet. Four day weekend. Oh, what’s that? It’s only three days? Well, not for us Winthrop Seniors, it’s not. Beach trip on Tuesday (which I have no intention of going to), so I can plant my ass at home and do absolutely nothing.


Posted in Uncategorized on 05/21/2010 by Christopher Balcer

Well, as per usual, the enthusiasm I usually garner at about 9:30 at night faded quickly as the alarm clock screeched it’s greeting at me. Now it’s not so much of “come get some, world” as much as it is “ugh, fuck, fine, I’ll kick your ass, but I won’t like it and it’ll suck”. Which is nothing new. I’m just glad that the enthusiasm to do work isn’t entirely gone, because if that were the case (as it unfortunately usually is), I would be screwed for graduation.