Archive for December, 2009

You don’t see this.

Posted in Uncategorized on 12/24/2009 by Christopher Balcer

Or this.

What’s in the box?

Posted in Uncategorized on 12/17/2009 by Christopher Balcer

I don’t know. But what I DO know is that they’re annoying me to no end. So I’m done with it. What’s in the box? I care not. If you want to care about it, then go to http://www.whatsinthebox.nl and fail at finding out.

Apologies, Comrades.

Posted in Uncategorized on 12/15/2009 by Christopher Balcer

I haven’t been in a posting mood, recently. But the Internet makes demands of us, whether we’re in a “posting mood” or not. There’s also not much to say, which is the other reason I have refrained from posting. I don’t really like posting stuff when there’s nothing to say. Contrary to what you’ve all seen so far. Don’t worry, I promise more engaging material in the near future.

It Has Come to My Attention…

Posted in Uncategorized on 12/11/2009 by Christopher Balcer

That many of you often enjoy a certain thing called “cyber-bullying”. Go ahead, laugh, but it’s a real thing, and people do really bad things. You may feel superior and untouchable because of the anonymity of the Internet. But even if you think you’re anonymous, you’re really not. If you perform a crime, you can be traced. You will be traced. So please, keep things within legal limits. And if you’re not keeping it legal, then at least make them hilarious capers that other people in jail can laugh at while they violate your butt.

On The Internet…

Posted in Uncategorized on 12/08/2009 by Christopher Balcer

One should not underestimate its value. Here’s my advice- download StumbleUpon. Be prepared for an intervention in a few weeks, because you will end up staying up past six in the morning every single night. But once you get over the initial shock of the utter glee that is this application, you will hold a greater appreciation for the Internet.

You back? Good. Hope your stay was enjoyable. And by enjoyable I mean a sleepless lol-fest. Now for step two.
Go to Google images, turn your safe search to “off” (and no whining, seeing a goatse.cx image every now and again is a small price to pay for moral and intellectual enrichment[EDIT: THAT’S GRAPHIC, THE FAINT OF HEART BE WARNED]), and then search for “lol”, “wtf”, “lolwut”, and any other assortment of meme-related tags. Once you’ve stayed up for several more nights, take a breather for a week, catch up on your lost down time.

Welcome back a second time. Now, for the intense training sure to make you love the Internet and prepare you for the love you get back. You ready?

Go to 4Chan. Go to the /b/ boards. Don’t know what either of those are? Then go back to the Internet, and keep looking until you have found out. But don’t come back when you simply find out what they are, come back when you find out what they’re about, and what’s truly in them. Come back when your better judgment tells you to run and hide from this terror.

For a third time… welcome back. Now get on over to /b/. Spend a few more nights there. And when you return, you will have completed your journey. Odds are, you’re not the same person as when you started. Which could be a good thing. Or it could be bad. It all depends on how you use what has changed you. And on the plus side, you get license to use this cool new phrase… “the depravity of the Internet rarely surprises me any more”. Not sure where I heard it, but I love it and use it frequently.

So now you know- your journey is set, your destiny is clear. Make the leap, get going. Give yourself some mental stimulation. And who knows? Maybe you’ll meet somebody special along the way… somebody else on their journey, somebody who wants somebody else to fall asleep with…

Just make sure you’re careful with that last bit. I mean come on, it is the Internet.

Totally total your ass I ain’t messin around!

Posted in Uncategorized on 12/07/2009 by Christopher Balcer

Just watched a rap video… about Mega Man II. Best thing I’ve ever seen, I loved it. So much wrong with it, yet so much not. Look it up if you’ve got the time.

In other news, I have a headache and no amount of peelz seem to be able to cure it.

Friday rolls around…

Posted in Uncategorized on 12/04/2009 by Christopher Balcer

That’s probably the name of a song. A really bad song. Like something from the 60’s. I’m not against 60’s music, in fact I love a lot of stuff from that era. I’m just saying that “Friday rolls around” seems like the title of a really bad song. Anyway. This weekend should be relatively uneventful, same as usual. I’m very fond of that kind of thing. Too much happening is very, very bad. I like it when I can get out of bed at 10:30 in the morning, call it a day, and do nothing useful until 2 AM. It just seems like the perfect existence. Some people wonder how I can do it, sit around playing video games and watching TV all day. They say things like “why don’t you get a life?” and “How can you just sit around doing nothing all day?” Well, this is my life, thank you very much. And I happen to enjoy it very much. And I like doing things that are fun. And I find video games fun. And I have no problem sitting around for twelve hours doing nothing BUT video games. Call me lazy, call me fat, call me an introvert, call me whatever the hell you want.  I like doing it.

Anyway, I also want to take a moment to thank you people who take the time to read these things. When I see the pageviews spike from 0 to 2, I think of those two people who feel a little better about their day. Thank you.