Awesome.

My Desktop. Found on StumbleUpon.

Verbally incapacitated!

So Sunday, my voice decides to quit. Entirely. I couldn’t vocalize at all. Spent most of the day whispering and playing charades. Today isn’t much better. I sound like… well, shit, to be precise and frank about it. My voice is terrible, but at least it doesn’t hurt to talk. Also have a slight head cold. So yeah. Not much fun.

Doing fine otherwise. School’s going pretty good. Pulled one over on my English classmates. We had split into groups, two groups of six and one of three (the group of three had a smaller section). I was in a group of six, all girls (Score, right? Not so much. None of them seem to have any level of tolerance for me.) When we gathered, I proceeded to speak up (in my shitty voice). I offered to read the section, create a Powerpoint, and then everybody could read off of it for the project. A moment of stunned silence followed, as my groupmates could not comprehend such an act of generosity from me. One of the girls spoke up.

“You know, as much as I would like to say no to that… as much as my morals speak out against it… I just can’t say no. Let’s do that, then.”

So it was planned out for me to do most, if not all, of the work. Meanwhile, the group of three held a good friend, a great friend, and an annoying… person. Female. Name of Kelly. Anyway. Darren overheard me talking, and remembered that the teacher said that at the beginning, any two people in separate groups who wanted to switch could, as long as both members were willing to. Darren proposed to Kelly that she and I switch places. She was ecstatic to be rid of Darren, and be in a group of all girls. I waltzed over, laughing as my previous group members were left in despair with the prospect of actually doing work now. Good times.

So anyway, yeah. Good week so far. Let’s hope it holds.

What a laugh.

Just kind of really pissed off this freshman girl. Well, she’s a sophomore, but she’s taking all freshman classes again, so she’s technically a freshman. She doesn’t do her work, she makes up terrible excuses, and for some reason she sees me as a good friend. She’s also into the whole drugs and alcohol thing, which I don’t necessarily have a problem with, I just don’t want to be associated with that. So anyway, she’s been sick or something like that, I don’t know, and she hasn’t been doing her work, and she starts to blame the teacher for it because he forgot to put in a grade. So she says to me in passing, “God, he’s failing me because he’s not putting in my work.” (Or something like that, I’m paraphrasing at best.) So I say to her, “Well, maybe if you did some work on time, you’d be passing.” So she starts getting all mad, saying that she’s gonna punch me, bla bla bla, stuff she usually says. Except I think that this time I really pissed her off bad. She’s all ranting and raving and dropping the f-bomb like mad at the end of class, really pissed and such. I just laughed. If she wants to do something crazy when she’s high or drunk like shoot me or stab me in the neck  or something, whatever. Her agenda. I’m unconcerned. So, yeah. Psycho bitch is mad at me, whatever. I think it’s hilarious.

Sorry for not posting more, just haven’t had much meaningful to talk about. Prom’s coming up (don’t know when or where, don’t much care either). I’m not going to go, even though everybody’s all like “oh, you’ll regret it so much” and “you’ll have such a good time if you go”. I think that the exact opposite is true- if I stay home, I’ll have such a good time playing video games (like I usually d0), and if I go, I’ll regret it because I’ll be by myself.

Why by myself, you ask? Well, because more or less every girl that’s on my level or a tier or two above detests me. All the senior girls on my level and a tier or two above hate me because they think that I’m a chauvinist asshole, or just an asshole in general. I’m not a chauvinist, but I will admit, I am a bit of an amoral asshole. So that rules out most of the senior girls. The other few that are left in my grade are either going with somebody else, or I have no chance with. So yeah.

Now, there’s always the other classes, right? Wrong. The junior class of girls is mostly all the… well… I don’t know what you kids call them these days. The kind of blonde “OMG” girls who walk around with their frakking faces glued to their cellphones texting and updating Facebook or whatever. The remainder hate me because I pissed one of them off, and the select few that are both single and don’t harbor an intense hatred for me and are tolerable to be around, I have absolutely no shot at getting out with me.

And the sophomore and freshman class? Don’t even go there. Most of the girls are like the junior class to the power of three, and the rest are… well… creepy. Like really creepy. You know, not like “goth girl who has conspicuous marks on her arm”, I mean like “possibly inbred probably mistake of nature” creepy. You know. That kind of girl. Which I have no real intention of going out with.

So, I guess whatever night prom is on will see me in my usual location- in the chair in front of my TV, scouring the Capital Wasteland for parts to make a Railway Rifle, and such. Then I’ll go on a quick date with my right hand, call it a night, and sleep until ten the next morning. I’m actually content with my life, pathetic and lonely as it is. Can you say that about your life?

Can you honestly say, with all the truthfulness you can muster, that you are happy? That your current life makes you smile at most, if not every, turn? I can. I can say it with a straight goddamn face, too. I’m genuinely happy where I am, and I don’t need something like prom to come along and shake things up.

Peace, y’all. Have a good rest of your week. Happy Friday.

Holy debates…

Had a really fun time in English today… mainly tearing each other apart about whether or not eating babies would have solved Ireland’s poverty problem in the 1700’s (A Modest Proposal). It turned good friends into bloodthirsty savages, tearing each other apart based on their point of view. I, of course, ended up on the baby-eating side. Which means I got attacked by everybody on the opposing team. Which is understandable, because I spent most of my time attacking the other people. Whatever. Everybody was getting way too worked up about it, myself included.

So yeah. I don’t really know what to post from here. Why don’t you guys comment, give me some ideas? You know, as to what you want to hear. I’ve got life stories, dreams (both literal and metaphorical), funny comments, game reviews, movie reviews… come on, people. Tell me what you want. Don’t be shy, speak up.

Miiiiiiiiiine Craaaaaaaaaft….

THIS is an awesome game. Play it. Love it. Yeah. Whatever. You know. This post is kind of meaningful (the next one will be MORE meaningful, I promise), because it’s my journal. Of my time on Minecraft Island. The game doesn’t really have rules yet, so I have to make my own. (I’m going to post a game mode next time.) Either way, I think it’s somewhat amusing. To those of you who read, you might like it.

1. Spawned on a sand bar in the middle of a rather large gulf. Seems this island is somewhat flooded.

2. Spotted a large cluster of trees off in the distance. Going to go harvest for the Keep.

3. Harvested 92 units of lumber. Looking at seaside cliffs has given me an idea…

4. Built a relatively good-sized Keep… ON THE SIDE OF THE FREAKING CLIFFS. So badass. Not finished yet, but I am going back to the woods to harvest more lumber.

5. Got sidetracked on the way to the forest. Discovered large underwater cavern (will be extra cautious not to drown), with the possibility of metals. Will explore more once I have constructed a metal refinery.

6. Harvested 99 units of lumber.

7. On the way back to the Keep, I killed a pig by knocking it off a cliff. It died at the bottom. I felt a sense of foreboding as I remembered Lord of the Flies… hope that doesn’t bite me in the ass. The last thing I want is for the island to burn.

8. Man, out of lumber again. This Keep is taking some time to build… but it looks awesome, so I don’t care. Going back to mine some more.

9. Fractured my freaking ankle jumping down.

10. Harvested 70 lumber. I was rudely forced out of the area by a few skeletons. I gave them the slip in the forest, though.

11. Completed the Keep. It’s badass, too.

12. Hopped on top of the balcony to survey my territory, when a whizzing sound jolted me out of my reverie. A wooden shaft buried itself in the wall next to my head. Looking across the bay, I could see the same group of skeletons, probably out for revenge after the badassness of my castle made all their wives leave them. I decided to beat a hasty retreat, as the air thickened with arrows.

13. I decided to wait until they were directly below my badass Keep, and then I dropped a few sticks of TNT on them. It fixed three problems- one, I now have a deep pool of water to catch me if I ever fall out of my Keep, they’re all dead, and now I have a nifty huge freaking hole in my badass Keep. I fixed it, but left a small unit hole so I could do a ninja escape into the waters below.

14. Used leftover lumber from badass Keep to begin construction of a Stone Refinery. It won’t be badass, but hey, I’ll be able to build a badass Castle.

15. Ran out of lumber, obviously. Going to go harvest some more from a more nearby forest.

16. The habits of the undead on this island are interesting. The zombies just shamble around, but the skeletons seem to have some level of intelligence. They even have some ritual, probably making sacrifices to the gods that put them there so long ago, hoping that they will remove their curse and either restore them or let them die. I got to experience this ritual firsthand. It involves ripping out the entrails of a living person, and waving them towards the sky and chanting in some strange, arcane language. The smell of my blood has attracted the spiders, too. Fun. At least I won’t go to waste.

A screw-up of epic proportions.

Dammit, dammit, dammit, DAMMIT. I came this close, readers. THIS close. To having somewhat of a shot at a significant relationship. I was doing everything right, I was taking interest in what she was doing, what she was talking about (and the weird thing is, I was genuinely interested, it wasn’t bullshit), everything you’re supposed to do- and then I said one stupid little thing that really ticked her off, and BANG. Any chance I might have had was shot the fuck down. So yeah. I think that I’m just going to give up on that whole angle of my life, then. I can live with that. Some people can’t whistle, some people can’t snap their fingers, some people can’t decompose radical fractions, and I can’t love. There, see? I fit right in.

EDIT- You know, not really sure what I was thinking when I posted this. You guys don’t need to hear about this shit, you’ve got enough problems of your own. Next post will be relatively interesting and relevant, I promise.

List of favorites…?

Do you think I should?
EDIT- Since I don’t care about your opinion, I’m going to post it anyway.

Favorite weapon: MP5 (NOT MP5K)
Favorite celebrity: Liam Neeson
Favorite movie: Avatar (I don’t care if it’s Pocahontas.)
Favorite animal: Cuttlefish
Favorite kitchen utensil: The Fork
Favorite mode of transportation: On Foot
Favorite book: Starfist: First to Fight
Favorite generic food: Chicken
Favorite specific food: White bread with Swiss cheese, thinly sliced chicken (ham, bologna, or turkey may substitute), mayonnaise, mustard, lettuce, tomato slices, cut diagonally, each piece having a green olive with a pimento speared into it with a white round toothpick.

More to follow. Maybe.

Chris Balcer’s List of Real Life Achievements!

This is just the beginning, really. I’m currently working on “Young Adulthood”. More to follow, hopefully.

Chris Balcer’s List of Real Life Achievements

(All Achievements Will Be Listed As “Secret”. Player will be able to see previously earned achievements, and how many more they can earn, but not the specifics of the unearned achievements.)

Baby/Toddler Stage

Come Out Fighting- 5G

Exit the womb mad.

Come Out Like A Bitch- 5G

Exit the womb sad/distraught.

Come Quietly- 10G

Exit the womb without so much as a peep.

Yes, It Works- 5G

Utilize your diaper for the first time.

Just Not The Same- 5G

Suck your thumb.

Nom Nom Nom- 15G

Eat solid food.

What A Waste- 5G

Throw food on the floor.

Mobile- 10G

Learn how to go from A to B.

Audible- 10G

Learn how to communicate with your fellow man.

You Get It From Your Dad- 15G

Your first word is not to be used in polite company.

Wrong Way!- 5G

Throw up.

Wishful Thinking- 15G

See the genitalia of the opposite sex.

Making Friends- 10G

Find somebody who likes you.

Making Fiends- 5G

Get somebody mad at you.

Baby Brawler- 10G

Get in a fight and win.

Bruised Baby- 5G

Get in a fight and lose.

Milestones- 20G

Make it to your first birthday.

Consolation- 1G

Don’t make it to your first birthday.

Six Dollar Man- 20G

Figure out how to run.

I’m A Big Boy Now- 15G

Learn how to use the toilet.

Spelunker- 5G

Fall in the toilet.

Scarred- 5G

Be rushed to the emergency room.

Cheater- 5G

Ask to see your grandpa’s achievement list.

Heads Up!- 10G

Figure out how to throw things.

Early Childhood Stage

Level Up!- 150G

Reach the age of three.

Gonna Need More Of This- 10G

Earn your first dollar.

Board Stiff- 10G

Play your first board game.

Ringleader- 15G

Form a group of friends who are at your command.

Sheep- 5G

Follow some cool kid around, doing whatever he says.

Literate- 25G

Learn how to read.

Super-Mobile- 15G

Utilize wheels to increase your mobility.

Better Than An Empty Hand- 15G

Utilize an object to augment your offensive ability.

Pwing! Pwing! Pwing!- 15G

Utilize an object to augment your defensive ability.

Diplomat- 20G

Make 10 friends.

Provocateur- 5G

Make 10 enemies.

Helping Hand- 15G

Help a friend earn an achievement.

You Mess With The Best…-10G

Defeat an opponent in combat.

You Die Like The Rest- 5G

Lose to an opponent in combat.

Coward- 5G

Run from a fight.

Meanie- 5G

Make a younger person cry.

Evil, Evil Man- 5G

Visit the dentist.

It’s Not Tourette’s – 10G

Get in trouble for swearing.

Cha-Ching- 15G

Sell an object, artifact, or other item worth money.

The Giver- 5G

Give away an object, artifact, or other item worth money.

The First Step- 25G

Sleep over at a friend’s house without a parent there.

I Don’t Like The Sound Of This Place- 10G

Go to preschool.

Thanks For Trying- 1G

Expire before your fifth birthday.

Childhood Stage

Level Up! II- 150G

Reach the age of five.

Educated- 30G

Get enrolled in a public school system.

Not So Educated- 15G

Get enrolled in a homeschool system.

Captain Hooky- 5G

Commit truancy.

Enlightened- 10G

Get enrolled in any kind of religious system.

Teacher’s Pet- 10G

Become a friend of a teacher.

Rebel- 10G

Get the teacher to really dislike you.

Prankster- 15G

Pull off a practical joke in view of a third party.

Clown- 5G

Tell a legitimately funny joke.

Kiddie Brawler- 10G

Get in a fight with someone the same age as you.

I LOVE This!- 5G

Learn the concept of “recess”.

Sporty- 15G

Join any organized sport.

Unsteady Income- 20G

Start earning allowance.

The Doctor Is In!- 35G

Play “Doctor” with a member of the opposite sex.

Smack Talker- 5G

Win a name-calling contest.

Diplomat II- 20G

Befriend 20 people.

Provocateur II-10G

Make 20 more enemies.

First Base- 40G

Kiss a non-related girl with amorous intent.

Ambassador- 20G

Make nice with the “new kid”.

Oh Snap!-5G

Break a bone.

Captain Crunch-5G

Break the same bone twice.

Commander Crunch-5G

Break somebody else’s bone.

Just Another Statistic- 1G

Die before reaching age 13.

Filler.

Just a filler post until I can finish what I’m working on currently. It’ll be up soon, and it’ll hopefully be lolz for all.

Screwed! Again!

I got screwed out of what little sleep I got by a freaking alarm clock. See, I’m trying to learn 24 hour time, because it’s more efficient, I think. Anyway, my clock has a little switch on the back that sets it to 24 hour time. Which is real convenient, right? Really easy. But what I didn’t catch is that “50 Hz” doesn’t mean “how fast the alarm beeps”, it’s “how fast the clock is in general”. So here I am, thinking that my clock is set to the right time, and it’s 6:50, and I’m late as shit, but in reality it’s 5:30. Yay.

Update- Well, apparently thanks to my lack of sleep, I’ve got a hell of an attitude, and have already made myself a rather unscrupulous character at school today. Not the way to start the week off…