All Quiet on the Eastern Fap

Which isn’t ever necessarily a bad thing, right? I might have said this before… well, whatever. Apart from some college aid crap, and… well, other crap that isn’t worth mentioning, such as eating or sleeping, nothing much has been going on. All my family is doing fine and uneventful, same as my friends, same as their friends, I would assume. It’s pretty quiet out.

But it was hotter than Satan’s ass-crack today. Goddamn! Got upwards of 95 degrees outside my house, and around 50% humidity. And it’s spring. What is that about? Either way, I don’t care. I went out today wearing a flannel jacket and canvas pants and wore them both the whole day. Why, you may ask? Well, my friends, it just so turns out that my infant body happened to be tempered in the hellish forge of inner-city Sacramento, California. For two years, I lived there, day by day becoming resistant to that fiery orb of death in the sky. So today, as my friends were dropping like flies around me, I laughed and marveled at my fortune as not a bead of sweat was to be seen on me. (What wasn’t seen was a different story. My pants felt like the inside of an oven, and I’ve got a heat rash something fierce, and it’s not going away…) One exception was towards the end of the day, when I had to take a dump during math class. I got up, scooted to the bathroom, and was immediately hit with a wall of odors ranging from piss to man sweat to semen. I gagged, braced myself, ran in, took my shit, and got the hell out of there. Yech.

Speaking of which, I’ve been holding one in as I finish up this post. Excuse me, blog, I need to (insert shit joke here).

EDIT- Wow, that’s a Freudian slip title if I ever saw one. It’s kind of funny, though, so I think I’ll keep it.

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One Response to “All Quiet on the Eastern Fap”

  1. The Beard Says:

    I assumed it was on purpose. Your posts are marvelously descriptive.

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