Chris Balcer’s List of Real Life Achievements!

This is just the beginning, really. I’m currently working on “Young Adulthood”. More to follow, hopefully.

Chris Balcer’s List of Real Life Achievements

(All Achievements Will Be Listed As “Secret”. Player will be able to see previously earned achievements, and how many more they can earn, but not the specifics of the unearned achievements.)

Baby/Toddler Stage

Come Out Fighting- 5G

Exit the womb mad.

Come Out Like A Bitch- 5G

Exit the womb sad/distraught.

Come Quietly- 10G

Exit the womb without so much as a peep.

Yes, It Works- 5G

Utilize your diaper for the first time.

Just Not The Same- 5G

Suck your thumb.

Nom Nom Nom- 15G

Eat solid food.

What A Waste- 5G

Throw food on the floor.

Mobile- 10G

Learn how to go from A to B.

Audible- 10G

Learn how to communicate with your fellow man.

You Get It From Your Dad- 15G

Your first word is not to be used in polite company.

Wrong Way!- 5G

Throw up.

Wishful Thinking- 15G

See the genitalia of the opposite sex.

Making Friends- 10G

Find somebody who likes you.

Making Fiends- 5G

Get somebody mad at you.

Baby Brawler- 10G

Get in a fight and win.

Bruised Baby- 5G

Get in a fight and lose.

Milestones- 20G

Make it to your first birthday.

Consolation- 1G

Don’t make it to your first birthday.

Six Dollar Man- 20G

Figure out how to run.

I’m A Big Boy Now- 15G

Learn how to use the toilet.

Spelunker- 5G

Fall in the toilet.

Scarred- 5G

Be rushed to the emergency room.

Cheater- 5G

Ask to see your grandpa’s achievement list.

Heads Up!- 10G

Figure out how to throw things.

Early Childhood Stage

Level Up!- 150G

Reach the age of three.

Gonna Need More Of This- 10G

Earn your first dollar.

Board Stiff- 10G

Play your first board game.

Ringleader- 15G

Form a group of friends who are at your command.

Sheep- 5G

Follow some cool kid around, doing whatever he says.

Literate- 25G

Learn how to read.

Super-Mobile- 15G

Utilize wheels to increase your mobility.

Better Than An Empty Hand- 15G

Utilize an object to augment your offensive ability.

Pwing! Pwing! Pwing!- 15G

Utilize an object to augment your defensive ability.

Diplomat- 20G

Make 10 friends.

Provocateur- 5G

Make 10 enemies.

Helping Hand- 15G

Help a friend earn an achievement.

You Mess With The Best…-10G

Defeat an opponent in combat.

You Die Like The Rest- 5G

Lose to an opponent in combat.

Coward- 5G

Run from a fight.

Meanie- 5G

Make a younger person cry.

Evil, Evil Man- 5G

Visit the dentist.

It’s Not Tourette’s – 10G

Get in trouble for swearing.

Cha-Ching- 15G

Sell an object, artifact, or other item worth money.

The Giver- 5G

Give away an object, artifact, or other item worth money.

The First Step- 25G

Sleep over at a friend’s house without a parent there.

I Don’t Like The Sound Of This Place- 10G

Go to preschool.

Thanks For Trying- 1G

Expire before your fifth birthday.

Childhood Stage

Level Up! II- 150G

Reach the age of five.

Educated- 30G

Get enrolled in a public school system.

Not So Educated- 15G

Get enrolled in a homeschool system.

Captain Hooky- 5G

Commit truancy.

Enlightened- 10G

Get enrolled in any kind of religious system.

Teacher’s Pet- 10G

Become a friend of a teacher.

Rebel- 10G

Get the teacher to really dislike you.

Prankster- 15G

Pull off a practical joke in view of a third party.

Clown- 5G

Tell a legitimately funny joke.

Kiddie Brawler- 10G

Get in a fight with someone the same age as you.

I LOVE This!- 5G

Learn the concept of “recess”.

Sporty- 15G

Join any organized sport.

Unsteady Income- 20G

Start earning allowance.

The Doctor Is In!- 35G

Play “Doctor” with a member of the opposite sex.

Smack Talker- 5G

Win a name-calling contest.

Diplomat II- 20G

Befriend 20 people.

Provocateur II-10G

Make 20 more enemies.

First Base- 40G

Kiss a non-related girl with amorous intent.

Ambassador- 20G

Make nice with the “new kid”.

Oh Snap!-5G

Break a bone.

Captain Crunch-5G

Break the same bone twice.

Commander Crunch-5G

Break somebody else’s bone.

Just Another Statistic- 1G

Die before reaching age 13.

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