On The Internet…

One should not underestimate its value. Here’s my advice- download StumbleUpon. Be prepared for an intervention in a few weeks, because you will end up staying up past six in the morning every single night. But once you get over the initial shock of the utter glee that is this application, you will hold a greater appreciation for the Internet.

You back? Good. Hope your stay was enjoyable. And by enjoyable I mean a sleepless lol-fest. Now for step two.
Go to Google images, turn your safe search to “off” (and no whining, seeing a goatse.cx image every now and again is a small price to pay for moral and intellectual enrichment[EDIT: THAT’S GRAPHIC, THE FAINT OF HEART BE WARNED]), and then search for “lol”, “wtf”, “lolwut”, and any other assortment of meme-related tags. Once you’ve stayed up for several more nights, take a breather for a week, catch up on your lost down time.

Welcome back a second time. Now, for the intense training sure to make you love the Internet and prepare you for the love you get back. You ready?

Go to 4Chan. Go to the /b/ boards. Don’t know what either of those are? Then go back to the Internet, and keep looking until you have found out. But don’t come back when you simply find out what they are, come back when you find out what they’re about, and what’s truly in them. Come back when your better judgment tells you to run and hide from this terror.

For a third time… welcome back. Now get on over to /b/. Spend a few more nights there. And when you return, you will have completed your journey. Odds are, you’re not the same person as when you started. Which could be a good thing. Or it could be bad. It all depends on how you use what has changed you. And on the plus side, you get license to use this cool new phrase… “the depravity of the Internet rarely surprises me any more”. Not sure where I heard it, but I love it and use it frequently.

So now you know- your journey is set, your destiny is clear. Make the leap, get going. Give yourself some mental stimulation. And who knows? Maybe you’ll meet somebody special along the way… somebody else on their journey, somebody who wants somebody else to fall asleep with…

Just make sure you’re careful with that last bit. I mean come on, it is the Internet.

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